yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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