On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just tell him i said nine months
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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