so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
