cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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