I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
