I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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