just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
