his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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