I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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