You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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