I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
