i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
