I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
