U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
