I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
