very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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