I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A bitchslap is in order.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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