if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
