Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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