If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
