I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
