hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
