Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
