dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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