I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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