Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
