In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
