You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
