He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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