He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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