remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
