its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
