I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dicks are not precious.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
