toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
