That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
PANTIES FOUND
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