Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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