Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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