when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
