Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
