I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
