I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
