I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
