I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
