doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
