The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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