glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
