Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
