Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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