I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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