You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
