Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
