If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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